Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
