all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize