She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
