My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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