Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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