i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
