I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
