Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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