you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
