No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
