Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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