guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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