i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
