I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
