I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
