is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
