i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
