how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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