she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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