we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
