please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
