The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
