I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize