chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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