i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
