didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
