Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize