the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
