Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
