i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
