I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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