it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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