I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
