do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
