Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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