You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
third nipple confirmed
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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