I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
