one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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