no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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