i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
