U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize