Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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