Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
