i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize