I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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