Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
