Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize