Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
