Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
