He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
