you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Randomize
