I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
