Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
