Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Randomize
