It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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