First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
