I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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