That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Less talking, more tequila
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize