im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
