I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
