YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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