cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
