Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just gift wrapped bread.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
