i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
