did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
