after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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