I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
