Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
time to smoke my breakfast
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
