he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
