so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
