A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
