At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
