is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
