When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
