phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is the prime rib incident all over again
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
