matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
