Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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