I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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