he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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