I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
