yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
