Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
