the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
