ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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