Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
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