I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
