Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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