I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
