Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
