whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
