i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
