Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
