i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
