Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
