How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
