If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
