If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
