please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
