He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
